3.10 — “Fascination”

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8 responses to “3.10 — “Fascination””

1. 

   Kevin Black

   September 11, 2017

   Another sign of lack of inspiration is that Jonathan Frakes and Majel Barrett guest star in back-to-back episodes.

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2. 

   Randi Cohen

   September 21, 2017

   Yes… embarrassing indeed. I feel like the worst was the enforced make-out session between Bashir and Kyra. So clear that these actors have zero chemistry with each other. Ugh.

   I kind of liked the scenes between Dax and Sisko… Sisko is so clearly not even remotely tempted, which is such a relief and a testament to his friendship with her and how well he knows her. Also the one where Dax punches out Bareil was kind of funny, I have to admit.

   Bareil is so unsexy in this episode though, it’s kind of sad.

   Lwaxana does have a tiny bit of dignity in this episode in that she catches on to Odo’s unrequited love. I liked that someone is talking about this finally… it’s nice to see the arc continuing to develop.

   Also, O’Brien & Keiko making up in the end was touching. I’m not that upset about O’Brien being jealous of a male friendship on Keiko’s end… they’re far away from each other so developing an intimate friendship like that is, in my mind, asking for trouble. I think she would have equally been upset with him if roles were reversed… and I also can’t see his character ever engaging in an intimate friendship like that with another woman because he would not feel right about it.

   But, overall, it’s demeaning to the actors and characters. I wish they hadn’t made this episode and agree that it is embarrassing. Also, too bad seeing Jake’s love interest go. I really liked her.

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3. 

   Kevin Black

   September 26, 2017

   I totally agree that Bashir and Kira have no chemistry onscreen… which is kind of weird, because Alexander Siddig and Nana Visitor dated on set and were married from 1997-2001. In fact, they have a son together who was born in September 1996! (this episode aired in November 1994… interesting timing.) I guess I disagree about appropriate boundaries for friendships with other adults. I think life is too short not to share our troubles with sympathetic people wherever you find them. All that we know is that she talked to her coworker about dreading breaking the news of the extension to Miles, for fear of how he would react (although Keiko plays it as if there might be something more there). Doesn’t being too rigid about these kinds of boundaries just prime you to think about forbidden fruit? I find it hard to believe that 24th century couples will be monogamous anyway (so maybe I have a bias).

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4. 

   Randi Cohen

   September 26, 2017

   Whoa, I am so curious what their son looks like! I never would have guessed that.

   Haha maybe you do have a bias! I guess I do as well… I do a great deal of couples therapy so I see how easy it is to slip into an intimate relationship with someone if you’re not careful, and how that can ruin a marriage and break your partner’s heart, and how much worse that could be if children are involved. So I tend to advise people to consider it a risk-benefit analysis when getting close to someone to whom they may wind up attracted… and the risks can be very high (don’t even get me started on how awful the court system is to families).

   And, as far as forbidden fruit, my understanding is that the more one practices or comes close to practicing a behavior, usually the more easy and tempting it becomes to approach further. If there is a temptation, it would make sense to accept the yearning feeling as part of living in the world that offers more possible paths than ability to live them, and move on to enjoy the life you have. The key is not getting into a fight with yourself about it. Often easier said than done, which is one reason why my profession is needed…

   All that said, I suspect that some people do better with non-monogamy, and it’s a shame there’s no mainstream way for them to participate in partner bonding honestly.

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5. 

   Kevin Black

   September 26, 2017

   It almost seems invasive to gossip about it, but it is interesting, right? Their son’s name is Django El Siddig, and there are a few photos on the net.

   You’re right, of course, and very wise! Especially about reconciling yourself to the fact there are more possible paths than we can follow. High conflict divorces are the worst! At the same time, gender based strictures can be limiting. I think, e.g., that Vice President Pence was rightly criticized for his policy of never sharing a meal or a drink with a woman unless his wife is present, because it limits the prospects of women in his circles. Paraphrasing Clara Jeffery, how can a woman be his lawyer, chief of staff, or campaign manager? https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/03/pences-gender-segregated-dinners/521286/ Also, love and intimacy don’t have to follow hetero-normative gender lines. The real sins, in my view, are disrespect for your partner and dishonesty. It is possible to avoid these and still have more open relationships! But not easy for everyone.

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6. 

   Randi Cohen

   September 27, 2017

   Wow! So interesting how he is a blend of their two facial structures… and so hard to imagine them together!

   I do agree that for business purposes it’s important to be willing to be one-on-one with people of whatever gender happens to appeal to you. In fact, as a therapist I do that all day long… but boundaries are (hopefully) in place in business interactions that aren’t in a social setting with alcohol present. Re: open relationships…. my feeling is that whatever the “relationship deal” is, you need to agree on it and discuss it and continue discussing it. And if the “deal” is being exclusive sexually (and romantically), then developing intimate friendships with a potentially appealing third party is inviting problems. Not sure how truly natural monogamy is for many humans though… I guess we will see how our ideas about this as a society continue to develop.

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7. 

   Kevin Black

   September 27, 2017

   I don’t think we have a large area of disagreement. It depends how you define “developing intimate friendships.” I don’t think that avoiding this requires prophylactic restriction of conversation to polite trivialities. Most of us can sense the danger zone well enough to treat people like people until there is a need to make an adjustment. I work in a female-dominated workplace and field (public sector, with a focus on human services), and it would be weird to deliberately try to make friends with only a third of my colleagues.

   Actually, I have observed that I find it easier to open up and connect, on average, with female friends and colleagues. This may be for all kinds of reasons (e.g., I have no interest in sports, and like to talk and think about feelings and social connectivity), many of which no doubt are unconscious. I would not hazard to claim that gender dynamics play no role in this phenomenon, and I don’t think that this is wrong per se, or avoidable in any case.

   Even a little bit of conscious sexual attraction can be useful as a social binder, if you’re a grownup capable of maintaining reasonable boundaries, right? Inclination follows interest and vice versa; it seems too much, too self-denying, to say we should make a special effort to avoid those whom we find most interesting. Defeating, too, in my line of work (building relationships, coalitions, and trust is the fabric of policy-making and politics, which blurs the distinction between working and socializing). This is easy for me to say, I guess, having the benefit of decent self-awareness and a great life partner. I concede there are versions of this that can go very bad, and that different levels of precaution may be appropriate for different people/relationships.

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8. 

   Randi Cohen

   September 27, 2017

   Haha! Yes, I think that self-awareness, self-control, and a great life partner are not things that most people have in abundance… so “bright lines” serve a function. Also I think once you have kids, your social life becomes much different and there is less time for having “dates” with your partner, let alone anyone else. Actually I guess I am a little bit of a hypocrite here though because I just made plans to have lunch with a male colleague out of a wish to get to know him better and potentially become friends… so I guess I’m not Mike Pence material after all. But in general I think much caution is required in these matters!

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